Our Inner North Star

The wishes of the soul are springing,
The deeds of the will are growing,
The fruits of life are maturing.

I feel my destiny,
My destiny finds me.
I feel my star,
My star finds me.
I feel my goals in life,
My goals in life find me.

My soul and the World are one.

Life grow more radiant about me,
Life grows more arduous for me,
Life grows more abundant within me.

-Verse by Rudolf Steiner


Anne (00:03):

Hi, take that hair away. Thea and I are here. She’s visiting me in Texas. It’s very cold today, even though it was 87 degrees, few days ago, this is apparently Texas. So we’re crooked here, but we gotta make this quick. So, so we’ve been talking, and the theme of our conversations kind of keeps coming back to listening. We’ll get to that––basically kind of in the context of the fact that a lot is looking very different to people. These days, people are moving a lot right now, they are making choices in their lives, changing things that they didn’t realize they were going to want or need to change, but people are finding themselves having to make some very tough, big choices, big choices about whether to remain working where they were working, doing the same kind of education, the same kind of schooling as they were doing for their children.

Anne (01:27):

Living in the same places that once they thought were absolutely their home which no longer is fitting them, given things going on in the world. And in that context of having to make these choices and the fact that the, the pictures we had for our future, for our children’s future for the environment that we’re living in, that’s changing. So we don’t have those same pictures to move toward. We’re having to find new pictures.

Thea (02:11):

And those pictures aren’t holding us in the same way that they once did.

Anne (02:17):

Different motivations, some of our motivations are changing. We’re reexamining our motivations for the choices we’ve made in our lives. And I mean, on, on a very superficial level you know, we were raising our kids in California loving it in every way. Never expected to move, to want to. We figured we’d leave our house to our children and who knows, you know, to their children.

Thea (02:54):

And that has changed very much because different places––it’s a word, resonance. Like if we’re no longer resonating with the place that we’re in those avenues are no longer flowing with the external place and our inner space and place and culture.

Anne (03:29):

And growth, right. If, if, if our environment isn’t meeting us in a way that facilitates a flow forward, we’ve gotta take a look at that. And even though it was absolutely gorgeous and beautiful and on the surface at first in material ways, everything we wanted very comfortable it wasn’t comfortable on quite a deeper level, a more meaningful level for, for our family.

Thea (04:05):

Well, and I’ll just tie, like one of our initial talks, I think we talked quite a bit about image versus essence and that’s kind of it again. Here it is. You know, here’s this, that inner space that is really what gives meaning to life and, and purpose in life. And when that doesn’t have a place to be moving, meeting flowing, then it, it isn’t inhabitable.

Anne (04:42):

Yeah. It, it’s untenable at a point, and people are going through a different process of kind of coming to terms with that, because it goes up against I mean, I’m still in, in some of those leaving California sites or moving to different, moving to this, moving to that, and people keep asking you know, I wanna move because of this and this and this, but gosh, the weather, and it’s, because those were the things that drew us and, and it’s kind of hard, you know, to redefine it all for ourselves and realize, well, yeah, sure, the weather, but is it that important to us at this point? I’m loving it here by the way in Hill Country, Texas, anyway, I love it. Love it, love it. When I got my Texas driver’s license, I felt the same way I felt when I got my California driver’s license. Like I had arrived, you know, so it’s fantastic. Anybody who’s looking, check out Hill Country, Texas anyway.

Thea (05:50):

Or anywhere.

Anne (05:58):

Right. But, so, so, in that, what we have to find is a different north star, I suppose. And I’d say that north star is there for us.

Thea (06:14):

The inner star.

Anne (06:15):

And we can interpret, I think our inner star connects to the outer star. Is our inner star is our inner voice.?The voice of God? Is that spirit, the voice of GodA spirit of wisdom that we all have access to that we often don’t listen to, or, or don’t heed.

Thea (06:40):

I would say even the outer world, from my experience hasn’t brought with reverence or the importance of that inner voice as much, it’s been more––and this is my journey right too. So I can’t speak for others––has that, that quality of listening to that, that quiet tuning instrument…we’ve spoken about this in other talks too, that gives resonance you, you can sense when the way is open or the way is shut. And the more I’m noticing over these years, listening more and more to that voice, that inner voice, when it comes in small ways, turn left, turn, right. You know, look down. The more we, when I’ve practiced listening to it, the stronger it gets, the easier it is to hear and to tune in, to find where is the way open, where is the way I need to follow or, or make. Not even follow. But in flow, where is the flow?

Anne (07:56):

Yeah. I mean, we’ve all had those times in our lives where maybe something felt right to go in one direction, but our head and our framework second guessed it, or decided that it made more logical sense to go in a different direction. And even though something in, in our heart or something right here feels stifled when we move in that direction often, you know, we’ve, we’ve all done that, you know, to one degree or another. And in the end that other direction, even though it didn’t quite look as clearly logical, felt open here, felt good, had us feel more alive. And, and when we have taken those leaps, they often feel like leaps because we can’t see it as logically maybe cause we are not in control of it. All right. Maybe we’re part of a larger plan that, that we can’t conceive of in our smaller mind, smaller perspectives. If, if we go with those and then we are rewarded, as I have had much experience doing, you know so many quote unquote leaps of faith that felt right though, too, that I’ve taken, the universe responds, immeasurably, to that.

Anne (09:40):

And I think the more, like you’re saying that you just do that even in a, in a conscious practice in daily life of, oh, I, I left that, you know, whether on a hike or something, it’s like I feel like I I’m forgetting something. Don’t disregard it, go back or stop and think of it. And, and something will come to you. And it’s like, oh, there was a reason I had that thought, the more we do that, it does, it builds that muscle and we become much more able to quickly discern our paths.

Thea (10:18):

So that, I, I mean, taking it even into those bigger places is that, you know, I continue to work with this in, in larger ways so that I can find myself following and landing in places where I’m needed in moments. So that we each can fulfill our work, our purpose here.

Anne (10:49):

I mean, that’s getting back to the fact that we are all a part of a larger plan, however you want to conceive, but, but, but it’s, it’s pretty evident that we’re all interconnected in a larger perspective than just ours in our lives. So if we can acknowledge that and keep that conscious as we move through life then we might be able to just be a bit more guided by some, something that something immaterial or not immaterial. That’s a bad word for it, something non-material that,uis still a beacon still, still a, a direction. So, and it’s exciting. I, I’ve talked to a lot of people, you know, who are going through transition right now. So many people I know are going through transition and people are using language like, “I feel I’m being stationed here” at a certain point that they’ve decided to, to move to,ucompletely unexpectedly. And I think that we are all being stationed. UI, if we’re listening to that, we’re allowed, we’re able to then be,udirected to our position in this exciting new shift.

Thea (12:34):

Where I know myself being asked to let go of things that have been part of my world or, or comfortable in some way, or parts of myself, there are these, I have this picture, just the unfurling, that things can fall away. So that there’s a new emergence, a new birth growing from the––I mean, it’s the Phoenix from the ashes, or the rising out.

Anne (13:07):

But to embrace that falling away. ‘Cause This is the point, this is why we are here. We’re here to grow. We’re here to unfold, we’re here to change. I mean, let’s experience a lot, let’s adventure, right? So let’s, let’s, you know, if, if one can embrace this spirit more of adventure and the excitement of that, rather than the contracting,uimpulse to hold onto what’s comfortable, our ease––you know, ease isn’t necessarily a fulfilling life. We know that well.

Thea (13:43):

And that also brings just with that picture of the falling off, like shedding layers. As I get older appreciating the more I’m able in, in life, in circumstance, in relationship able to be quiet and to actively perceive without the, the layers of density that block perceiving with another, so that, so that things can truly become more flow, more movement, more clear reflections.

Anne (14:28):

And more conscious. And I think that’s very much what it’s about. And, and when you are more are conscious when we are more conscious of our motivations, our reactions, our flaw, our flaws, our patterns, our negative tendencies, positive tendencies or whatever, when we become conscious of that and just stop for a moment and examine them it allows us to you know, do what we want with them and keep moving on rather than getting stuck in patterns.

Thea (15:13):

And I feel like, with those places of our, of our hindrances, our weaknesses are stuckness––where the more I have the courage to observe those, the more I can pull out the, the strengths out of those places, those habits. Those kind of inverted strengths become those weaknesses, but there’s something in there to let shine forth which then can.

Anne (15:53):

…Become What it was supposed to be. To fulfill more of your potential.

Thea (15:56):

And our. The more each one of us does this work, the more, the whole shines. So it’s kind exciting.

Anne (16:08):

It is, it’s, it’s a super exciting time, it’s super exciting.

Thea (16:10):

It is. And, and, and, you know, depending on the, the mood, the state of mind, I mean, I know for myself moments where I feel a fear come, and then it’s like, oh, what’s that, here we go. Now let’s get back into that. Where’s that contracting coming from? Oh, open that up again. So that we keep moving.

Anne (16:34):

And also, I mean, I know I’m going on all these tangents, but back to being a part of the whole, each one of us having our purpose, our path within the whole I think it, I, I think that it is facilitated––if we can keep that in mind, we can get a little more released of that fear. Right. That if I can surrender a little bit and let go yes. I’m, I’m afraid of this. I’m afraid of that. Let go and have faith that we are part of something larger and then just let go a little bit and be guided. Even with that fear. And understanding fear, we all know this intellectually, hard to put it into practice, but it just contracts. Fear does not really facilitate much except for making sure you’re not eaten by the, the lion, but you know, most of the fears that get manifested these days, I think in the world that we live in, the society we live in are more contracting fears that probably hamper our thinking process and our flow.

Thea (17:49):

And our ability to be connected. And you know, in terms of fear, I’m thinking, what am I learning? How, when, when those things come, doing something, just doing something moves the fear. So it changes the, the construction of one’s space, the way I’m holding myself or being affected by what’s around me. If I move something different.

Anne (18:17):

Even if you just go for a walk, go for a walk or wash dishes, ’cause I was thinking, then, then you’re also doing something constructive and purposeful. You’re reminding yourself of your capacity as a human being to be purposeful.

Thea (18:30):

And it actually makes me think of do you remember those Orson Scott Card books, the Alvin Maker series, in which the character who’s a maker, you know, and is always conscious or becomes conscious that the UNmaker is always trying to UNmake, and so when those movements of unmaking are coming in, he would weave a little grass basket or create, make something.

Anne (18:59):

Wow. So creation versus destruction. Right?

Thea (19:04):

And so we each are here with that gift, and that’s part of that inner star to outer star. We’ve been given this gift to be creating as well. So let’s, let’s be courageous in our creating and practice strengthening, cuz we all hear it. The nature of reality is good and intelligent. And being in that, one with it. Will get us all right where we need to be.

Anne (19:39):

Yes. Indeed. Right. Let me see if I can turn this thing off.

2 thoughts on “Our Inner North Star

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  1. You certainly have the passion and enthusiasm to write, however, I would encourage you & your friend to enroll in a local community college writing class or form a writers group.
    Honing one’s skills to perfection is a constant to being a better artist.

    Personally, I would like to read more regarding your Texas experience meeting new people, the challenges of moving to the Hill Country. Not some airy fairy exchange of words considered poetic. Just bring it back to earth.

    We are all by the virtue of being Americans, going through never before difficulties. Yes, hard decisions have driven many people to take survival to a new level. Becoming closer to those we love and trust is what we as people do to make a better life for those in our care.

    I beg of you to get out of your comfort zone and write about pertinent subjects, where we will find in ourselves a new spirituality only our Higher Power is capable of giving us.

    1. Thanks for your feedback, Deb. But what you’re reading is a transcript of a video chat of an apparently “airy fairy exchange” between my sister and me. This isn’t something we wrote. Nor is this “airy fairy exchange” something we “considered poetic.”:) Just some thoughts we shared and recorded and had transcribed. I think for gmail subscribers, the video itself doesn’t show in the email, so you have to click on the post link to view. Not that you’d want to listen to/watch our “airy fairy exchange.” But it may make a bit more sense in the context that this wasn’t a written piece.

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